the mothers story
I remember being told when expecting my first baby that "They break your arms when they are young and your heart when they are grown". Old wives tale I thought at the time.
Now I'm not so sure. Although she looks fine my daughter has APS along with arthritis. The hardest thing for me is to watch but be unable to heal. Mum, when you are young can always help with a magic rub, some healing mixture or a sticking plaster. Not so now!
When she and I were younger I was living near her and much involved with helping with the kids as most grandmas are. I often did the ironing or the tidying up and I'm ashamed to say sometimes would feel that she was a bit lazy. I know she had four children while I had only two but she didn't seem to have the energy to tidy up when the kids had gone to bed . After all I was a "working mum". Still I did have help in the house because I often had to prepare for school for the next day.
So I accepted her way of life and did not question that her house was never as tidy as mine. Just we are different people I thought.
When she got her diagnosis and I learned the effects of her condition I felt so guilty, guilty, guilty that I had been so judgmental. Also I was then older and had a small health problem myself and could not be as useful as I wanted.
I like to think that we have come to a balance in our relationship. She has a good husband and children who help whenever they can in the everyday and I have become a sounding board for her. It does not do any good saying oh dear, oh dear and I know I cannot take the pain away but I am there to respond to her needs, both practical and emotional, as she lets me know them. But now I know the truth of the old wives saying!